This is how Engineers live. People who work in the fields of Science and
Technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the no technical
people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with
technology-oriented. People are to understand their motivations. This
Chapter will teach you everything you need to know. I learned their
customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall
learned about the great apes, but without hassle of grooming. Engineering
is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "Engineer"
is greatly overused. If there's somebody in our life who you think is
trying to pass as an engineer, give him just this test to discern the
truth. Engineer identification test: you walk into a room and notice that
a picture is hanging crooked. You...either straighten it, or ignore it, or
buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered,
self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud. Your belief that
the inventor of the nail was a total moron. The correct answer is the last
one, but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in
the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on
"Marketing" Social Skills. Engineers have different objectives when it
comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several
unrealistic things from social interaction. Stimulating and
thought-provoking conversation, important social contacts, a feeling of
connectedness with other humans. In Contrast to "Normal" people, engineers
have rational objectives for social interactions. Either get it over with
as soon as possible, or avoid getting invited to something unpleasant, or
demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects. To the
engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two
categories: Things need to be fixed, and things that will need to be fixed
after you've you had a few minutes to play with them. Engineers like to
solve problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if isn't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it
isn't broke, it doesn't
have enough features yet. No engineer looks at a television remote control
without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No
engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon
coating would make showering unnecessary. To the Engineer, the world is a
toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.
Fashion and Appearance for the engineer defines why the clothes are the
lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for
temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing
or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging
around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met.
Anything else is a waste. Dating and social are never easy for engineers.
A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to
create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are always honest
in matter of technology and human relationships. That's why it's good idea
to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other
people who can't handle the truth. Engineers like lies but technically are
not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of
engineer lies is listed here: "I won't change anything without asking you
first", "I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow", "I have to have a
new equipment to do my job", "I'm not jealous of your new computer".
Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean
spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem
in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining
the greatest amount of cash?". If there is one trait that the best defines
an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the
complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes
causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in
high-tech areas have started with checking resumes before processing the
bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in
computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to
see if he or she snaps out of it. Engineers hate risk. They try to
eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an
engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big
deal or something. The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem
is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away
from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is
sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenging
quickly become personal, a battle between the engineer and the laws of
nature. Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a
problem. Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion
that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that
knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When as
engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's
not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the
engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these
lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult
technical problems." At that point it is a good idea for the normal person
to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set
upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.